That's right. I decided that I needed a fresh start. Also the fact that I hate this username. Hahaha

So my new Livejournal is: thanksforthetea 

It is going to be a friends only journal. So comment on the post to be added.

I will very seldom update here, but I will still once in a while out of habit.

AMINAZA!

I've fucking had it with my family.

They are CONSTANTLY negative about EVERYTHING.

They've gotten to the point where they are bitching about my BOYFRIEND.

And I realized that them bitching about my current boyfriend is that they have bitched in some way or another about past relationships I have had!

WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE?!

So yesterday Mike's parents invited me over to spend the night, since he told them how stressful it is being stuck under the roof of my bitchy family.

I just don't tell them how my friends are doing because I know for a fact they will bitch about it in the end.

Today what happened was everything was well and dandy, until my mom decided to barge into my room.

The conversation went as followed. Mom's voice in a bitchy tone.

Mom: Have you checked your schedule yet?
Me: No, but I probably work tomorrow.
Mom: Call your work and see.
Me: Ok. (I dial work, but it's Triple-O's side)
Harry (Co-worker on Triple-O's): (After some conversation) I can't pass the phone over to your side since this is our phone.
Me: Can you give me my side's phone number?
Harry: xxx-xxxx
Me: Thanks. (Hang up) (Dial other side, I get one of my co-workers and she says I work tomorrow at 9am. I tell her thanks and hang up)
Mom: Why did it take you so long to do that? Also you had the wrong number in your phone.
Me: Sorry? I told you I thought I worked tomorrow and I was right.
Mom: That's irresponsible of you. You will not have sleepovers for a long time. (Leaves)

Now I'm here. It's stupid because it's not like I have a lot of sleepovers anyways. This was what, my only one this entire month?

Oh yeah, I slept over at Mike's house. It was probably the best time I had in a long time. We cuddled, played Katamari, played some Warmachine, ate food, talked to his parents since his parents actually like me. Then I went home.

I just hate my parents how they act so fake around all my friends, then bitch about it afterwords.

Fuck.

Just fuck.

Always criticizing, never praising...

Day was totally fine until my sister decided to mother me.

Then my own mother bitched at me for getting 13/15 on my Japanese test.

Just recently she bitched about my room.

I closed the door. Hopefully no one bothers me later...

I've had it.

I've absolutely had it.

I don't know who I am anymore...

Or who I have become...

Seems like my world is turning inside-out on itself.

Turing into a black void.

Even though people say "There's that light at the end of the tunnel!" I feel like that day will never come.

I've been like this since first day of university.

Hence why I haven't really updated.

I hate my fucking life right now.

I don't know who my real friends are anymore.

It's not like anyone bothers to contact me anyways.

I feel like I have this invisibility cloak on me at all times.

Only like, three people acknowledge my existence.

But that's just randomly.

I haven't been going to one of my university classes because I hate it so much.

I've been lying to my parents saying that the prof is "sick" or that it was "shorter that day".

I just hate my fucking life.

It's not like my parents even care about me anyways.

They constantly harass me to do stuff, but never ask my sister to do it.

My sister is the favourite of the family. Everyone asks her how she is and what's new with her. They ask her about her Katimavik experience, her schooling, all that fame and glory.

No one ever asks me that.

She's going to be a nurse. I'm going to teach English in Japan.

No one even cares.

She gets praised for barely passing a difficult test. I get yelled at for "not trying my best".

No one even cares.

I wish once you're done high school, you could just pick a career (if it's easy, like a teacher or painter). Fuck I could teach better than some of these fucking idiots in university!!

I've had it with people.

I've so had it.

I wish I could run away.

But right now it's too fucking cold out (-30 with wind).

I wish I could be put in a box...

Put to sleep for thousands of years.

And do "something useful" to the world.

Sorry about the LATE post, but here I go.

So I started university... Sitting here actually with Kyohei until my class starts (Which is 3:30... Shoot me in the face...)

I had class this morning that took FOREVER. 8:30am until 11:30am... God I hate waking up early now...

But I only have 8:30 classes twice a week, so that makes me happy. :B

Sorted the whole Kyo thing out... No we're not together, but I'm pretty decent right now. Just friends for now. :P

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM.

Watched three episodes of "Durarara!!" yesterday, pretty fun. Will probably watch more tonight.

Also watched more "Doctor Who"... and "Merlin"... and going to start on "Sherlock"...

OH! And I need to get my Miku cosplay ready!!

AS:KLDFHASKDF KYO'S GOING TO DO KAITOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Ima happy camper. :B

P.S. Kyo's showing me clips of the Hatsune Miku concert in Japan... I want some glowstick leeks damn it!!

So this is going to be an emotional journal... Be prepared. I'll do it in a cut later.

Also I'll talk about my trip when I'm in the mood...

☆★☆★☆★☆

So I realized on my birthday that I miss Kyo...

... A lot.

I thought it was a phase I was going through at first, but then it hit me when I was taking the train from the airport to Narita to Machida...

... I'm still in love with him...

... I made the worst mistake in my eighteen years of life...

Looking back it seemed why I wasn't happy back when we broke up was because:

- I was stressed out by lots of things at that time. Like the school play, the pagent, school in general, etc.
- It was pressure from other people. Not naming who, but it seemed like other people were pressuring me to not be with Kyo any longer.

But now I realize that it was stupid of me... I realize that I was immature in high school...

I realize how you don't really miss someone until they're gone...

I miss Kyo's laugh, his smile, his eyes, his hair, his scent, his hugs, his kisses, holding hands, cuddling with him, his quirkyness, his lovingness, him whispering my name, his humour, his kindness... Everything about him I miss...

... And I screwed it up...

He's probably moved on... Found some other girl he loves... Looks at her the way he used to look at me...

... Why did I have to screw it up...?

Why did I have to let him go...?

I miss him...

... I miss him so much and he has no idea...

I found his necklace he gave me today... One from a series called "Shakugan no Shana"...

... I'm wearing it because I'm pathetic like that...

I kiss it once in a while too...

Anyways...

I'm sorry Kyo that I was stupid and foolish. I hurt you so much because I was only thinking about myself...

I want you back...

I want you back...

God I hate it when I cry when I do this stuff...

If you've moved on already, and are liking another girl, please tell me... I don't want to chase a star I can never catch...

I'm so sorry Kyo...

I won't send this to you since I think I bother you too much... And I can never ask my friends to send this to you since I'm such a coward...

ごめんなさい恭平…

ごめん…

Just a quickie.

My birthday (July 17th) was meh. Not the greatest by far. I actually hated the entire day pretty much. Didn't feel like a birthday AT ALL.

BUT! On that same day, I discovered something due to my Aunt that will go down in history...

THE MAGICAL BEING CALLED...

Doctor Who

Oh, my, god. What can I say?

I've only started from when Martha Jones shows up when the 10th Doctor is there. BUT FIRST I HAVE TO SAY THAT THE 10TH DOCTOR IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO HOT!!

... Anyways.

I've heard about this series before numerous times, but I never took any consideration into it. When I was at my Aunt's house on my birthday finishing up "Tin Man" (A 3-part mini series that's a modern day "Wizard of Oz"), I saw that she taped "Doctor Who". I asked her the basic premise of the series, and since it was only 10pm, I figured "Hell, why not!"

"Smith and Jones"... My very first "Doctor Who" episode...

Let's just say when it rains, I'm very happy it doesn't rain up. /end nerdy moment here

I totally want to cosplay the 10th Doctor... CURSE ME AND FINDING NEW COSPLAY IDEAS!! D:

But anyways... I have two new Doctor Who icons with the 10th Doctor... And I plan on making a TARDIS themed layout...

So yesterday was pagent for "Miss (INSERT TOWN NAME HERE) 2010".

I didn't place.

SO FUCKING HAPPY ABOUT THAT!!

Why you ask?

Let me list it off for you:

1. Fakes. Seriosly, so many fake people that I ran as a candidate with. They seemed so nice, but deep down they're faker than shit.
2. Who placed. 2/3 girls are fakes. Including who I talk about in #3.
3. One of the girls in particular I hated from the begining. She just wants the crown, not the "job". It's not a fucking beauty pagent. Also, I don't give a shit if I stole "your talent". Who gives a fuck?Also, don't you DARE diss me on what I'm wearing for talent. I chose a dress that suited Galinda. I didn't want to RENT a dress that I'd only wear once, when I could buy one that I can wear foe multiple occasions. Who gives a shit if it's not pink? It's not like I'm doing the entire fucking musical! Also: YOUR. TALENT. CAN. SUCK. MY. TALENTS. BALLS. Seriously. Just shut the fuck up and be yourself.
4. Another girl who complained "I'm not good enough" and freaked out about everything. Get therapy or something.
5. Being political. I told you that there were fakes. Everyone chooses favourites. Apparently nice girls do finish last.

Ok. Sorry this is a rant post but I'm going on.

For the pagent, I wore my grad dress. It has a long, trailing ribbon in the back, and a corset backing (I'll post pictures later if I feel like it). Anyways, for the laces for the corset, it laces top to bottom, and you're supposed to not tie it up in a bow, but let it drag behind your dress like the ribbon. Little miss "Former Town Queen 2007" comes up to me and says for me to tuck it in. I explain that it's supposed to be like that. She says that's and I quote: "Weird." and "Where did you find this from? It's wrong." I told her that it came from the OFFICIAL pictures from the DESIGNER'S WEBSITE. She just kept on getting bitchy at me about it, and I just told her that it was supposed to be like that. So, when the candidates were in line-up for the impromptu question, bitchy 2007 queen was taking pictures of everyone that was in line before they went on. When it came to me (I was number 4), she just came in the room quickly, told me to go ahead on the stage. No picture. Nothing. Thanks Miss Bitchy Queen 2007. I am totally keeping you on MY Facebook Friends' list when I clear it out.

Yeah. All in all, I honestly only gained ediquette (spelling?) classes, and like, two people that I'll stay in contact with out of thirteen. Yep, pageants are full of fake bitches that want nothing more than the crown.

I'm so happy I'm done.

Finished the first season of "Kuroshitsuji" today...

(Spoilers up ahead)

I FUCKING BAWLED.

I mean, how Ciel dies, then Sebatian devours his soul? I'm like "WHRYYYYY?!"

Part that made me cry the most: When Sebastian says that devouring his soul will be a little painful, but he'll try to make it as painless as possible. Ciel, however, tells Sebastian "No. Make it as painful as you can."

FUCK. I BAWLED FOR TEN MINUTES AFTER THE EPISODE.

But then I watched the OVA (Yay Hamlet!!) and the first episode of the second season.

Ok, I KNOW that I was bitching about the new master (Alois) and butler (Claude) with the glasses that are pointless. LOL

But now I've grown to actually like them. God Alois is sooooo twisted but I love it!!

AND HOW CIEL COMES BACK. WTF SEBASTIAN?! WHY DID YOU BRING HIM BACK.

(Done. I'll put that all in a cut when I'm not on my iPod)

FUCK I WANT TO WATCH MORE BUT I CAN'T SINCE IT'S AIRING IN JAPAN AND THEY'VE ONLY RELEASED ONE EPISODE... FUCK YOU!!

But I now know that if I can't find a Alois costume in Japan, I'll go as Ciel. 8D

In other news, Spain is in the FIFA World Cup finals!! GO ESPAÑA!!

So I decided to catch up on "Kuroshitsuji". Since season 2 looks bad-ass...

I've finished episode 20...

FUCKING. BAWLED. AT. THE. END.

So depressing~ D:

Also, I want to cosplay Alois Trancy... FUUUUUUUUUCK WHY IS THERE SO MANY COSPLAYS THAT I WANT TO DOOOOOOOO?! D:

I'll see if I can get the costume in Japan. Because I'll totally cosplay him for Comiket. 8D /shot